


Remember When...

by A_Being_of_Violet_Fire



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive!Blacks, Abusive!Dursleys, Angst, Brother Bond James/Sirius, Implied Dumbledore-bashing, Implied Hermione and Ron-bashing, One-Shot, SiriusPOV, song-fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-21
Updated: 2012-06-21
Packaged: 2017-11-08 06:51:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,973
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/440357
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/A_Being_of_Violet_Fire/pseuds/A_Being_of_Violet_Fire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What really kept Sirius alive and sane during his twelve year long imprisonment in Azkaban? When hundreds - thousands - before him, innocent or not, vengeance-thirsty or not, had perished within the first month?</p>
<p>What if James Potter and Sirius Black were far closer than anyone had ever known? There's something to be said for the protective magic of a Brotherhood forged of Blood. There's something powerful, pure, untaintable in the secret magic of underage promises and eternal love.</p>
<p>** No Slash ** OneShot ** SongFic **</p>
            </blockquote>





	Remember When...

_I remember when we used to laugh  
About nothing at all, it was better than going mad  
From trying to solve all the problems  
We're going through, forget 'em all  
'Cause on those nights we would stand and never fall  
Together we faced it all, remember when we'd…_

Sirius trembled and sobbed as the Dementor left his cell block. From previous data he knew that he had roughly 14,400 seconds before it came back.

This was Sirius Black's hell.

And, although he knew that it would only make it worse, he couldn't help but give into the tantalizing bliss of his memories, of the past. Because, for those meager four hours of reprieve – where he fell into blissful sleep rather than agony-induced unconsciousness – he was _happy_.

He was _free._

And he was with _James_.

_~:~ **Memory** ~:~_

Sirius Black and James Potter sat alone on Sirius' bed, the lights in the dorm dimmed and the curtains shut. Neither first year noticed it, but an old, primal magic swirled in the air; between the two Pureblood heirs.

"Sooo… you're a Black, and I'm a Potter." Sirius nodded in confirmation. "Our families have been feuding for three centuries." Another nod. "And both our parents would probably bust a cap if they knew we were friends." A third nod, though this one was hesitant. The shadow that skittered across his grey eyes spoke of a more violent reaction than merely 'busting a cap' from _his_ parents.

James Potter gave a grin that was more Cheshire than boy. "I can't think of a better prank, can you Siri ol' boy?"

An answering smile broke out across the Black Heir's face, though his was considerably more relieved. "So… we can be friends? Truly?"

"Friends? No no, Sirius. We… we shall be _brothers._ " James took out a quill – new and sharp – and cut his palm. Sirius' hands trembled and he nearly dropped it, so excited and relieved was he to have a _friend…_ a _brother_ that liked him for who he was, and not what his ancestors ordained him to be.

They clasped hands and, in a Vow filled with boy-ish recklessness and impenetrability, James spoke, every word golden with intent and magic.

_I swear to always be your friend_

_I swear to always be your older brother_

_I swear to always watch out for you_

_I swear to always love you_

_I swear to always fight for you_

Tears poured from Sirius' eyes as he returned the words, in his own way. Being practically drowned in Pureblood Tradition since the cradle, Sirius knew what he was doing; and what the ramifications would be. And, as silver threads of magic and promise wisped from his mouth, Sirius felt as though his heart would burst.

_I swear to always be your friend_

_I swear to always be your little brother_

_I swear to always have your back_

_I swear to always love you_

_I swear to always fight for you_

And, as one, both boys intoned, " _SO MOTE IT BE"._

Their entwined hands glowed brighter and brighter – grey and hazel eyes met over the blaze, filled with awe and power – a gust of wind picked up and all the torches extinguished – before all became black.

And still.

And, as suddenly as it had began, it was over. The torches magically turned themselves back on, and the powerful Wish- and Vow-Magic vanished; leaving behind only two boys, who were breathless in amazement, still clasping hands.

Abruptly Sirius and James collapsed to the bed and broke out into uncontrollable laughter. It went on and on, as they rode the waves of magic-induced euphoria and pure _happiness_.

Their two other roommates, Peter Pettigrew (who'd still been at the Welcoming Feast) and Remus Lupin (who'd gone straight to the Library, mad sod), came into the dorm at that moment.

Remus scurried over to his trunk and grabbed a pair of ratted pajamas before darting into the bathroom. Meanwhile, the rather porty Peter just stared at the hysterically giggling friends – _brothers_.

"Great. Just _great_. I'm sharing a room for seven years with two completely mad blokes. Just _fantastic._ " He groaned and threw himself on his bed without changing. To their shock, he began snoring seconds later.

Sirius and James passed a look between them that clearly said _'Peter Pettigrew: Prank Victim Number One. Agreed',_ before cracking up laughing again.

But it didn't matter that they laughed until they passed out, or if Peter was going to spend his first week bright pink with tentacle hair, or if Remus was skittish and would promise to be a great mystery.

No, all that mattered is that they were friends, brothers.

Always and forever.

… _Stay up late and we'd talk all night  
In a dark room lit by the TV light  
Through all the hard times in my life  
Those nights kept me alive_

_We'd listen to the radio play all night_   
_Didn't wanna go home to another fight_   
_Through all the hard times in my life_   
_Those nights kept me alive_

Sirius screamed as the Dementor came by and sucked that last memory from him. Now just the impression, the echo remained. If he ever were freed or escaped the gaps would eventually fill back in on their own. But with so many already missing, it could take years before he would have that particular memory back.

And Sirius screamed, and begged, and ranted.

But nothing he did could stop them, and two hours later he was left, again, shivering and sobbing on the wet stone floor; now one memory lighter, mind now that much darker.

Sirius remembered the time when he and James had bought a telly. They had both taken Muggle Studies as a way to rebel against their parents, who were both Pureblood Fanatics (though, both agreed, that Sirius' were _far_ worse).

After they finally set it up (a three hour adventure), and they'd figured out the remote (a two hour battle filled with thrown popcorn and conjured silly string), they sat and watched for ten hours straight with rapt attention. When Remus had berated them for their massive waste of valuable study-time; they both grinned and told him that that was the point. And what better way to protest against homework than by melting their brains with mindless entertainment.

The look of horror on Remus' face had been priceless; and moreso because they'd gotten a picture.

But now, trapped in this Merlin-forsaken cell alone, without friends, without Quidditch, without _James;_ Sirius wanted nothing more than a telly.

Because he _wanted_ to melt and fry his brains. He never, _ever_ wanted to think anymore.

Because, when he did, all he could think was, _'James! James James JAMES! You promised! You promised that you'd always be with me, you'd always protect me! JAMES!"_

Even if he couldn't remember why he thought that in the first place.

_I remember when we used to drive  
Anywhere but here, as long as we'd forget our lives  
We were so young and confused  
That we didn't know to laugh or cry  
Those nights were ours, they will live and never die  
Together we'd stand forever, remember when we'd…_

As much as Sirius tried to push the memory, the thought, away – back into its tightly locked box where he stored all the happy and wonderful recollections that he had left – it refused; and gradually overtook his senses.

_~:~ **Memory** ~:~_

It was Seventh Year, and it was the night before Sirius and James' graduation. They were the same, and yet so very different than they'd been seven years ago. But only one thing – the most important thing – that mattered had remained the same: They were still Brothers in all but blood.

And now, even though they were close friends with both Remus and Peter, this was _their_ night. And they planned to make their last night as memorable as their first.

Sirius and James barely fit beneath the enlarged Invisibility Cloak. But all the curses and stomped on toes and yelps that remained unheard through the Silencing Charm were all worth it, when they came to an empty clearing they knew so well in the Forbidden Forest.

James whipped off the Cloak and shrunk it as Sirius took something from his pocket and enlarged it. When it reached full size it was apparent what it was: James and Sirius' pride and joy, the _Artemis_.

Just as almost everything in their lives – ever since the discovery of Remus' secret – revolved around the Moon, so did James and Sirius' lives revolve solely around their precious motorbike.

Built by their own hands and magic, the sleek black and chrome bike was a work of art. And it was now time for its final voyage in Hogwart's skies.

Sirius jumped on the front and James slipped on behind him. The engine was started, built-in Silencing Spell initiated, and Levitation Charm engaged.

Silently, gracefully, they ascended into the air. Their ride was fairly subdued, as though both could now sense the weightiness and magic in the air.

"Sirius?" James' companion made a noise of acknowledgement as they soared around the Astronomy Tower. "I've decided that, when I have a kid, I want you to be Godfather."

" _WHAT?"_ Sirius' shock nearly sent him careening through the window to Ravenclaw Tower. He righted the bike quickly, before turning back to give his brother a look that questioned his sanity. "Are you _mad?_ You _know_ that I'm not the best for responsibility. It's just not something that I do." He snorted in laughter. "Heck, the day that I can be _responsible_ is the day that you ask Evans to marry you… and she actually says yes this time!"

Due to his awkward position Sirius couldn't see the glint in James' eye, or he would have landed immediately and ran for dear life.

"How about this: If I marry Lily Evans and have a kid with her, you'll be the Godfather. Deal?"

Sirius rolled his eyes before decided to humor his friend. "Sure Prongs, I'll be Godfather to your sprog – but only if it's half-Evans!"

They both laughed and flew the rest of the night in silence, just enjoying the bond of life-long brothers and family. They knew that it would always be like this, until the end of time.

And, when James _did_ marry Lily, and _did_ have a little Prongslet; Sirius couldn't find it in himself to complain about the ill-thought-out promise.

Because this was a piece of his James – his brother. This was his nephew, and little Harry was perfect in every way. And he swore, back in First Year, that he'd always protect James. And that included his little mini-me; the tiny, prune-faced baby that was half his brother with emerald eyes.

And life was perfect.

… _Stay up late and we'd talk all night  
In a dark room lit by the TV light  
Through all the hard times in my life  
Those nights kept me alive_

_We'd listen to the radio play all night_   
_Didn't wanna go home to another fight_   
_Through all the hard times in my life_   
_Those nights kept me alive_

_Those nights belong to us_   
_There's nothing wrong with us_   
_Those nights belong to us_

_I remember when we used to laugh_   
_And now I wish those nights would last_

Over and over again, all that Sirius had left of his life played in his mind's eye.

_A pillow fight so intense that the dorm caught on fire and burned down the blue and purple polka-dotted curtains (and Peter's 'I heart Hippos' underpants – but it was purely an accident, as both Sirius and James would say with earnest faces. Unfortunately, Peter had learned not to fall for that face two years ago, and they were forced to buy him a new pair by pissy werewolf Remus. And if neither of them caught the gradual shrinking charm that Sirius cast on the new ones before he passed them over; well, that was their own fault, wasn't it?)._

_James bursting into Grimmauld Place and stunning all his relatives before rescuing his broken and bleeding body and spiriting him away to safety. And, when the 'Black' was turned away from Potter Manor, James running away and hiding them both in the Shrieking Shack, healing his wounds and feeding him until he got better; taking care of him like he'd Vowed to do…_ **did he really? I can't remember…**

_Him comforting and soothing James after Evans' most recent, most harsh rejection. And all the while he cursed the bint in his head for doing this to his normally so-confident brother. Just because he was a boy didn't mean that he didn't have feelings too. Why couldn't Evans see that? She prided herself on being to smart and insightful, but couldn't see what was right in front of her bloody nose. Hmm… bloody nose… now **there's** an idea…_

All that and more flickered, there one second and gone the next. All revolving around James, his brother, his best friend. Who'd left him, who'd broken their Vow. Just as Sirius had broken his.

That's the danger with children making Vows. To them, everything is absolute, black and white. But that's not how the real world works.

James couldn't always protect Sirius because he was now dead.

And Sirius couldn't protect James because he wasn't the Secret Keeper.

Both had failed, but only one was dead. And now, gradually, so was the other.

Without both ends of the Vow to sustain him, Sirius was bound to follow his brother into death. Soon… please Merlin, let it be soon…

Then there was a visit, a newspaper, and Sirius' Vow flared to life again. He may have failed James, but there was another half of him out there somewhere, and in danger.

This time, Sirius would not fail.

_Stay up late and we'd talk all night  
In a dark room lit by the TV light  
Through all the hard times in my life  
Those nights kept me alive_

_We'd listen to the radio play all night_   
_Didn't wanna go home to another fight_   
_Through all the hard times in my life_   
_Those nights kept me alive_

He was _there._ James was _right fucking there_ and Sirius could do no more than freeze. The glowing yellow eyes of his Grim form watched as James stomped down the sidewalk, wand at his side, cumbersome trunk being dragged along behind him.

Round glasses perched on the end of his nose, and flyaway, untamable hair fell into his emerald eyes – _wait, emerald?_

It took a while, but what sane part of Sirius' mind that was left remembered. James was dead, and this was his little sprog, his Prongslet.

But there was something different about him… something that neither James nor Evans had ever had.

It wasn't until he stopped moving and stared around, a lost and scared expression on his face, that Sirius saw it.

He was _broken_. There was something in him that had been shattered, jaded, and shadowed by evils and reality of the world.

As soon as Sirius recognized it for what it was, the Vow flared white hot within him. Burning through his veins and lending warmth to his thought-dead heart. This boy, this little half-James, _needed_ him, needed his protection.

And if it was the last thing he did, Sirius would ensure that his little Prongslet was safe.

The Grim growled in dark promise, and Harry leapt to his feet and flung his wandarm into the street. A few sentences and a heart-stopping moment later, and little James was swept away by the Knight Bus.

And Sirius disappeared into the shadows.

_Stay up late and we'd talk all night  
In a dark room lit by the TV light  
Through all the hard times in my life  
Those nights kept me alive_

_We'd listen to the radio play all night_   
_Didn't wanna go home to another fight_   
_Through all the hard times in my life_   
_Those nights kept me alive_

As Sirius fell back into the Veil, he locked eyes with the terrified emerald of his Godson.

Abruptly, he remembered everything.

All the times with James; their pranks and battles and Vows.

His too-short times with Harry; their chess games and jokes and secret fire-whiskey adventures.

He knew that he'd done all that he could to protect little Prongslet. He'd left a secret will stating the true intentions of Dumbledore and his so-called 'friends'. He'd named him the new Black Lord; which allowed him to be Emancipated.

Sirius had arranged protection and a home with Nicolas and Perenelle Flamel, who had enough Elixer to survive for the next fifty years – more than enough time to make another Philosopher's Stone.

Sirius made sure that Harry had mandatory meetings with Ragnok, Manager of Gringotts, to explain his vaults and holdings. He also scheduled an Inheritance Ritual, which cost a pretty sickle.

He left Harry the entire Black Library, and all the knowledge that it possessed; as well as ownership of Grimmauld Place.

He gave him everything that he could possibly need to win the war; everything that Dumbledore refused to give him himself.

Sirius had done all he could and more, to fulfill his Vow to James. To complete his duty as Godfather. And to perform his responsibility as Harry's Padfoot.

So Sirius smiled, winked at his little Prongslet, and closed his eyes as everything became cold and dark.

And when he opened his eyes to find himself in James' arms, his brother's teary hazel eyes above him shining with pride and love; Sirius knew that everything was perfect.

Maybe there was something to Vows made by children, in darkness and secret and magic and love.

Or maybe… it was just the secret magic of Brothers. Of _family_.

And that was all that mattered, in the end.

_Those nights belong to us_   
_There's nothing wrong_

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: This came to me suddenly. I typed it up in two hours, and cried at least three times while doing it. So you'd better be grateful and review, or I'll be grievously injured.
> 
> Sorry, don't mind me. It's midnight and I'm bloody exhausted. Hope you enjoy the story! And it's only a one-shot, because I really can't think of how I would continue this anyway.
> 
> A/N2: This song is called "THOSE NIGHTS" by Skillet.
> 
> … Mischief Managed …


End file.
